Restaurant Etiquette : Do’s and Don’ts Every Guest Should Know

It’s 5:00 PM, and we are ready for service. The restaurant is open, the tables are neat, clean, and properly detailed. The first guests approach the host and are seated at their table. My first instinct as a server is to welcome them, offer water options, and provide them with menus. Everything seems normal until I get my first red flag:

“Are these the only items listed on your menu? Could you ask the chef if he can make…?”

I know every restaurant has the possibility of accommodating guests’ needs. However, considering that nowadays there are many resources available, such as Google, Yelp, and OpenTable, where you can review a restaurant and see what it serves, it can be frustrating when guests ask the chef to accommodate a specific request without any previous notification. For example, you could call in advance and ask whether the restaurant can accommodate that specific request.

I confirmed with the chef that we could make it happen. At the end of the day, it is our job to make our patrons feel comfortable, as that is part of the dining experience.

So, I told them we could accommodate their request and gave my diners about five to ten minutes to read the menu and decide what to order.

As part of my job, I am always looking for clues by reading the table. I have developed the skill of knowing whether guests are in a hurry or looking for a slow-paced dining experience, so I think that time frame is more than enough—unless, of course, you are conducting business at the table.

A few minutes later, I heard:

“Hey! Could you come over?”

The guest said it to me in a very particular manner. Yes, I definitely could, but the tone of the command was somewhat disrespectful. Yelling is not always the best option. Restaurants are generally not that big, and if they are, I’m pretty sure you can find other ways to grab your server’s attention. You could even look for another staff member and let them know you are ready to order.

Finally, it was time to take the order, which was supposed to be an easy step. Instead, my guest wanted to do everything to the contrary, turning what should have been a simple interaction into a complicated one. He wanted the steak blackened, butterflied, well-done, with extra gravy on the side—and an extra-dirty martini with blue cheese olives.

All these requests were perfectly acceptable. However, once he got the food and drink exactly how he wanted them, the requests continued. He started asking for more blue cheese olives, salt and pepper, ketchup, butter, and, God knows why, grilled onions for the steak.

Certainly, guests are paying for their dinner, and they have the right to order whatever they want. However, it is time to become more empathetic and think about others too. You are not the only guest your server is taking care of.

There are many other diners who want the same treatment we are giving you. We would really appreciate it if you ordered everything you need at the same time, considering we also have to check on food orders, grab drinks from the bar, close tabs, provide wine service, take more orders, and, of course, clean any mess left by others.

So be mindful of your server’s time. We are always making sure everyone has what they need because our job depends mainly on tips. And yes, you could say it is the owner’s responsibility to pay us fairly—and that is another topic we can talk about later—but, as of right now, that’s the way the system is structured.

And just when I thought the requests were finally over, the steak came back.

“This is not the temperature I wanted!” he said.

Let me tell you, these are some of the scariest words a server can hear. Not only because now we have to make sure you get your food according to your preferences, but also because we might have to deal with the kitchen staff, who are always stressed out and, for some reason, might blame us because we sent the steak back.

At this point, I already knew I had problems, my mind was only focusing on how to recover the table, of course I didn’t want him to feel it was my mistake. I’m not the one who is cooking his food but for some reason it is easy to blame the server.

He accepted to have his steak remade, and as a gesture of goodwill, I offered him dessert at the house because I felt it was the right thing to do. Believe me, you will do everything in your power to fix things and, by any means, avoid disturbing your manager, who is probably in the office working on payroll.

Dinner was over, and finally, the party was about to leave. The next step, of course, was settling the bill. In an ideal world, one person would simply pay the bill, but of course, this table wanted to split it five different ways. But let me tell you—it wasn’t just that. They also requested to pay different amounts per person. How insane could this get? All while I was handling dozens of other tasks at the same time.

I’m not saying you can’t split the bill, but at least try to make it easy for everybody. It was very frustrating because running cards through the system while other servers wanted to place their orders could be just as chaotic as it sounds. You’d find yourself fighting for control of the computer while praying to God that the card wouldn’t get declined.

Thank you very much, it was a pleasure for me to serve y’all! – I said. It could sound like such a mere formality but it is true, we are here for our guests and it is our job to encourage them to come back.

Finally, the table left. Now it was time to clear everything up and prepare the table for the next diners. I asked my server assistant to help me with such a meticulous task, but we were both shocked when we saw the bill slip. How could this have happened? What went wrong? We were left wondering.

The bill had a big, fat $0 tip. Yes—that’s right! Not taking care of your server is definitely a DON’T. After all, they’re the ones who run for you, fight for you, and probably even hook you up the next time you visit.

Yes, you’re probably right—tipping is always optional. But considering the time, effort, and care we put into serving you, the least you could do is reward the service you’ve received. I’m not saying you must tip 20% of the bill because, let’s be real, there are servers out there who don’t provide a memorable experience. But remember, we have bills to pay too.

Anyway, the table was ready for service again—neat, clean, and properly detailed. But it seemed like a wallet had been left behind on one of the chairs. As an act of revenge, I could have done nothing and simply handed it to the hostess, forcing the guest to come back for it. But the universe will always pay me back because I’m grateful for what I have, so I ran after the gentleman and handed him his wallet.

“Hope to see you soon!” Those five words were my way of saying thank you to him and reminding myself that it always could have been worse. Because at the end of the day, he walked away with his wallet, I walked away with my dignity, and somewhere between the two, the universe was keeping score.